pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
