when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
