My brain says no but my pants say off.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
