The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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