I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
