You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
