i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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