So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
