I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize