last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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