and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize