Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
