You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
