i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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