Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
