did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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