i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
