Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
