just tell him i said nine months
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
