I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
