I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
