apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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