A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize