Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the day after is always just damage control
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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