Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
