yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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