as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
