I'm gonna have a badass scar
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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