I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
