4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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