I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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