what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
