Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
