textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
