i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
