I think my vagina is haunted
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
