I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
