You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize