Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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