My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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