Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
