I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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