hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize