I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize