Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
