I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
