for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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