I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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