At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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