your room smells of hookers.
And success
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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