We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
