do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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