in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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