My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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