i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
