well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I supernannyed him into submission
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize