I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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