I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
