Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
