I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
