We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
