Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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