very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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