Define "chronic" masturbator.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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