I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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